The Price of Training
I started using my newsletter this week. Matthew was right about talking about girls in it. I only have two more free newsletters left, so I need to use them wisely, experimenting with different formats. I do think it makes sense to talk about relationships with girls in the newsletter, but I want to focus on sharing my high-level thoughts and key moments that happen throughout the weeks. My goal is to find patterns and insights that emerge over time.
I feel a sense of shame about that email campaign I sent out earlier. Looking back, I realize it was a bad move—it feels like bragging, and that's distasteful. Why was I bragging? Nobody really cares about that stuff. It just shows that I can't be humble, and that's something I need to work on. Cassie called me "cocky" the other day, and Leslie said the same thing last night: "Don’t get cocky about it." I need to be better at handling my own confidence without crossing the line into arrogance. It's been hard to find that balance, but emotional control is something I'm actively working on. Sometimes, it's better to just keep things to myself.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my fascination with play and the idea of confidence. I feel like I’ve developed a skill for reading people, especially since I started working at Grassroots. I’m good at sensing when someone is flustered or uneasy, and I notice this most often with girls. But it’s not just with them—I'm able to connect with my managers and directors, too, though not in a formal, serious way. I cut through the small talk and get real with people. It feels like I have a knack for discerning what kind of person I’m dealing with, which helps me navigate different interactions.
A recent experience at work exemplified this. I had a long meeting with a coworker where we bonded over shared struggles. We exchanged messages afterward, and I found myself laughing for the first time in a while. It wasn’t just a transactional conversation; it was a real connection. That moment reminded me that life is not just about getting things done—it’s about building relationships and sharing authentic experiences.
However, I've also received some feedback recently that calls out my cockiness. I’ve been wondering: When is confidence actually arrogance? Some people tell me that my confidence is strong, even flustering at times, which makes me think they might like the chase—perhaps they enjoy the dynamic I create. But is that healthy? Am I really in control, or am I just playing a game that might hurt me in the long run?
I didn't write on Tuesday, but I had a productive day. I had several client meetings, and after work, I went to the court to play basketball. Honestly, I've realized how much I love basketball lately. It’s not just about physical skill—it’s a game of psychology. You have to read your opponent, understand their strengths and weaknesses, and adapt. What’s interesting is that I’ve started noticing the same dynamics in my everyday life, especially when it comes to interacting with people.
In a recent game, a player said something to me: "Trevor can't commit to anything." I know he was trying to get under my skin, but in a strange way, it revealed something about my own game that I need to work on. He pointed out that I often hesitate and don’t commit fully to my moves, whether it's in basketball or other areas of life. That comment stuck with me because it highlighted something I need to change: I need to be more decisive and commit to my choices, both on and off the court.
After the game, I felt a rush of energy. I was in a "let's go after it!" mindset. But, as usual, I realized that my tendency to dive into work and push myself too hard might cause me to miss out on moments to get better in the process. I’ve been so focused on hitting my goals and staying in my routine that I forget to enjoy the journey.
A comment from Jessica also stood out to me. She always keeps it real and called me out for something I didn’t even realize I was doing. She said, “You go on a date and just say, ‘Let's get back to work.’” It was a perfect, almost painful observation. I love my routine, but recently, I’ve been losing it. I’ve realized that I need to get back to my routine, not just for efficiency’s sake, but to feel grounded and balanced again.
As I reflect on everything I’ve written here, I realize that I’m in the midst of a journey—one where I’m learning to balance my impulses, my emotions, and my relationships. It’s not easy, but I’m trying to embrace the process. The more I sit with uncomfortable emotions and allow myself to feel them, the better I’ll understand my true self. The key is to not shy away from growth, but to be mindful about how I approach it.
Ultimately, I’m learning to commit—commit to the moves I make, commit to the relationships I build, and commit to the person I want to become.