Alone, but Evovling
Lately, I've been feeling a sense of loneliness that's difficult to ignore, even though my life is filled with productive routines and personal growth. The loneliness started creeping in after a simple morning walk with my dog—a routine that's become an anchor in my life. As I watched him settle on the bed, it hit me: he’s made me more of a hermit. I’ve become more structured, more isolated in a way, and while I know this discipline is good for me in the long run, it still brings a sense of sadness.
It’s 8:30 on a Thursday night, and I can feel the pang of being "left out." People are out socializing, having fun, and here I am, tucked in with my routines, which I know I prefer—but there's still that little voice asking: _What if I’m missing out?
Chris Williamson once talked about this period of isolation, the "Lonely Chapter," that anyone striving for something exceptional goes through. It’s that phase where you no longer fit in with your old friends, but you're not yet surrounded by new ones. It’s a hard place to be, and I think I’m living it right now. I’m working to improve myself—reading three books a month, journaling, sticking to a rigorous schedule, even picking up an extra job—but the reward of having people to share those things with seems distant.
Sure, my dog is a huge part of my life now, and he’s been a great companion through all of this. But some days, even the most comforting routines leave me feeling, well, a bit empty.
The Juice Ain’t Always Worth the Squeeze: Mastering Emotional Control
Lately, I’ve also been thinking a lot about emotional control and how I handle people—especially in social dynamics. I’ve been diving into The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene, and one law in particular is challenging my instinct to be open: Law Three— Conceal Your Intentions. Greene argues that by concealing your goals and emotions, you protect yourself from people who might want to sabotage your progress. I’ve always prided myself on being open, on saying exactly how I feel, thinking that authenticity is the best approach. But over time, I've learned that it isn’t always wise to bear your scars as if they were medals.
The reality hit me when I began encountering people who only seem to want you around when it benefits them. A particular friendship I had this year highlighted this truth. A girl I was close to, someone I thought liked me for who I was, actually just wanted to control me. She convinced me to get a dog, though I was uncertain about it, and I now wonder if part of her motivation was to make me more dependent on her.
It’s a hard pill to swallow—learning that people don’t necessarily like you for you, but for what you can offer them. But getting the dog was one of the best decisions I’ve made. It forced me to take responsibility and gave me an unexpected sense of companionship. It’s shown me my own strength and patience, as well as provided me with a much-needed antidote to my loneliness.
Learning to Weather the Storm of Bad Days
The other night was tough. I sat at the bar, reading and journaling, and felt that crushing loneliness again. It was a moment of self-reflection, where I realized that not every day will be good—and that’s okay. I spent some time processing it through writing, and by the time I went to bed, I felt better. The next day, I woke up with a renewed sense of perspective: bad days are part of the journey, and learning to move through them is what builds character.
What I try to remind myself in these moments is that motivation isn’t something you wait for. Sometimes, it’s about doing things despite feeling unmotivated. Getting through those tough days is itself an act of perseverance, and that’s what really strengthens your resolve.
The Power of Indifference and Emotional Mastery
One thing I’ve come to realize about relationships—whether in personal or professional settings—is that indifference is often the most powerful tool at your disposal. Whether you’re dealing with someone trying to provoke you or simply navigating new relationships, the less emotional reaction you give, the more power you hold.
This is something I’ve been learning in my interactions with Alicia, a coworker of mine. She’s the type of person who thrives on passive aggression, and she’s been trying to test my boundaries. At first, I thought I could “play along,” but I quickly realized that she was trying to manipulate the situation to her benefit. In these moments, it’s easy to lose your cool, but I’ve learned that maintaining emotional control is the key to not giving her the satisfaction of getting under my skin.
I also realized something important: when I let my emotions get the best of me—whether it's frustration or anger—I’m giving away my power. In the moment, it feels right to react, but in the long term, it only weakens my stance. I’ve been reflecting on this a lot recently, especially after a particular interaction with Alicia where I didn’t maintain the emotional restraint I aim for. I allowed her petty behavior to pull me down to her level. But at least I recognize it now, and that’s progress.
Growing Beyond the Lonely Chapters
As I sit here, reflecting on everything I’ve been learning over the past few weeks, it’s clear that growth is messy. It’s not linear, and it’s not always filled with the kinds of rewards we expect. Some days are lonely, some days are frustrating, and some days feel like you’re not getting anywhere. But I’m trying to embrace the process, even on the tough days, and focus on the bigger picture: the person I’m becoming.
The lonely chapters are part of the journey, but they don’t define the end of the story. Instead of seeking quick fixes or emotional distractions, I’m learning to sit with my discomfort and let it guide me toward deeper self-awareness. And even when things don’t feel perfect, I know that the routine, the emotional control, and the small steps toward growth are all worth it.
So, here’s to the lonely days, the uncomfortable lessons, and the growth that comes from sitting with all of it. It’s all part of the journey.