Will, And Its Demon’s
For me, it’s easy to get lost in the cycle of measuring success based on external validation—whether that’s in the form of support from the people around me or a steady stream of blog readers. But I’ve also come to realize that I can’t let that be the measure of my progress. I’ve learned that the only true validation comes from within. Everyone has their own path, and all I need is what works for me. It doesn’t matter if others are ahead or seem to have it all figured out. What matters is whether I’m moving in the right direction, whether I’m making the right choices for myself. Trying to work on being more humble.
This reflection on success leads me to something I’ve been grappling with for a while: impulse control. I’ve noticed that I often substitute work for dealing with my emotional baggage—something we all carry in one form or another. It’s a coping mechanism that many of us use, whether we’re aware of it or not. For me, diving into work helps me avoid confronting deeper emotional issues or uncomfortable feelings. But over time, I’ve come to see that while work might seem like a healthy distraction, it can also lead to isolation. It’s easy to become so focused on the grind that you push away the people around you, even those who might be trying to connect. I have been feeling this way quite a lot recently. I have been pushing a lot of people away and I am trying to figure out why. Still working on discerning that. I know I have been acting arrogant. I didn't realize how much until, I hurt someone that I had no business hurting the other night.
In many ways, this struggle with arrogance mirrors the battle I face between with impulse control. Between engaging with the world and retreating into ourselves. I’m trying to break free from this cycle, I’ve realized that there’s a price to this constant push for success: you can lose touch with what really matters. You end up on an island of your own making, where connection becomes harder, and it’s easier to sink those metaphorical boats that people send your way. It’s a vicious cycle, but it’s one I’m trying to break.
One of the ways I’m trying to balance this workaholism with personal growth is through side projects. These are passions outside of my day job—creative outlets where I can test my skills and ideas. One project that has me really excited is my recent work with Cloudflare and Squarespace, where I integrated the two to funnel traffic more efficiently. It’s a simple side project, but it’s a way for me to combine my technical knowledge with my love for creative expression. I’m not just building something practical; I’m blending my art with my career.
This project has sparked a larger goal: I want to create a cool documentation page. More to come on that. I need to flush out some ideas. I want to keep that one for me, and show it when it is ready. This side project isn’t just about building my resume; it’s about proving to myself that I can take different skills, blend them together, and create something new. It’s an opportunity for growth, and I’m excited to see where it goes.
Living alone has also taught me a lot about risk, especially when it comes to taking ownership of my life. You start to view the world differently when you realize you’re the one responsible for navigating it. Life is full of risks, and every step you take is a risk in some way. But it’s in taking those risks that you find your advantage, your place in the world. I’m learning to step up, not step back. To push toward my goals, even if the path is unclear, and to embrace the challenges along the way.
One of the most meaningful lessons I’ve had recently came from a phone call with my friend Will. We discussed our struggles with impulse control—how difficult it can be to stay on course when so many distractions pull us in different directions. He shared that he hasn’t opened up to anyone about it, which made me realize how powerful it is to share those struggles with someone who truly understands. Will and I have a history together—a shared experience that bonds us deeply. I think back to a summer we spent watching the Perseid meteor shower. We drove out to a golf course to catch the best view and witnessed one of the most incredible moments I’ve ever experienced. As we sat there, watching the sky light up with shooting stars, I realized something profound: Life is about breaking out of routine, taking risks, and embracing the unknown. Sometimes, you have to break free, step outside your comfort zone, and let the world surprise you.
As much as my work has been demanding, with clashing priorities and pressures from all sides, it’s also been an opportunity to learn and grow. There’s instability, but there’s also tremendous exposure. I’m working closely with Senior Managers, Principal Directors, and Leadership—people far beyond my station. There are eyes on my work now, and I know this opportunity could lead to something bigger than I can imagine. It’s a turning point in my career, and despite the stress, I’m excited about what’s ahead. The exposure, the challenge, the responsibility—there’s so much upside in this.
In the end, I’ve come to realize that the pursuit of better isn’t about avoiding challenges or discomfort—it’s about leaning into them. It’s about taking risks, breaking free from old habits, and finding ways to blend work with personal passions. It’s a journey that’s not always linear, but it’s one worth taking. The crown may come with threats, but it also comes with growth. And that, to me, is the most important pursuit of all.